Tuesday, September 02, 2003

In The News... 

Will It Hit Us?
LONDON, UK -- President Bush, in a joint statement with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, has announced an initial study into a preemptive strike on Asteroid 2003 QQ47. The asteroid has a potential of a direct hit on Earth in March 21st 2014. "We must not allow the universe to unleash this weapon of mass destruction upon the world. Outer space should be disarmed so that it is safe for our exploration and colonization," Bush said in the speech.

The BBC, in an effort to scare Britons into support of the study, broadcast a statement saying the asteroid could have the effect of 20 million Hiroshima atomic bombs. A Dumbozo News Poll show 75 percent of Britions would support a stike on the asteroid. French and German officials have requested that scientists inspect the data and observe the asteroid for 10 years before deciding on striking it. "We should allow the asteroid time to change course before launch a strike on it," said French Prime Minister Jean-Pierre Raffarin.

"President Bush and Prime Minister Blair have decided to present this to the U.N. Security Council for a resolution to support a preemptive strike on the asteroid. Even if it does not pass, they are prepared to go it alone to protect their citizens, " said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan.

McClellan was asked by Dumbozo News whether this was inspired by a recent visit to the White House by Bruce Willis, star of "Armaggedan", he replied "There is no truth to the rumor that Bruce [Willis] had anything to do with this announcement. We have strong intelligence to suggest that this asteroid is a threat to national security."

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